Ugly Ma

I wish I had known more about my great-grandmother.  When you’re a little kid, you aren’t aware of why later in life, it becomes important to have known the source of your roots.

My only memory of my maternal great-grandmother is that she was bedridden and stayed that way until she passed away.  I never saw her walk or get out of bed.  She rotated among family members who cared for her until her time passed.

Ugly Ma is not a negative statement.  It is a term of love and endearment because that is what she would always say to me when I accompanied my grandmother to visit her. I would slowly approach her bed, and she would say, “Come here, sweet girl, and give Old Ugly Ma a hug and kiss.”  Of course, I did as I was told, but in my young mind, the situation was uncomfortable.

The bedroom was always a little dark, with the odors and smells accompanying us all as we age.  So, giving my obligatory hug and kiss to Ugly Ma and getting out of there was my priority while the adults sat and talked.

I don’t recall how old I was when Ugly Ma passed away.  But I do know that I was not of an age to understand death and why Ugly Ma was no longer with us.  She was living with us at the time of her final rotation.

I don’t know how it was known that she would not be living very long, but on that specific night,  I was sent to the neighbor’s house to stay until her rite of passage came about. The neighbor had a window that provided a view of our farmhouse, and later in the evening,  I could see the hearse come to the house, and after a short period, I saw it slowly drive away.

I followed the lights of the hearse down the road until it went around a curve and was out of my sight.  That was when I knew that Ugly Ma had passed away.

I don’t have any pictures of Ugly Ma, but she would appear like this in my heart and mind.  A caring, loving mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother who lived a life that would have many stories to tell.

I may become an Ugly Ma someday, so I advise all young people to get to know their ancestors while they can.  Learn about their life, sit with them, and ask questions. Listen to their stories, which likely are nothing like those you will have later in your life.  After all, you are a product of the roots and history that have come before you.

If I could have a wish, it would be that I could revisit that dark bedroom, walk up to her bedside one more time and hear her say, “Come here, sweet girl, and give Old Ugly Ma a hug and kiss.”